If Only...

If only I hadn't join the organization, how would I be now?

If only I hadn't had high expectation in it, how would I be?

If only the passion in me for the organization had faded long ago, how would I be?

After a long period of the issue, I guess I'm losing myself slowly. My emotion seemed to stop working anymore.

I smile when I need to.

I pretend to be excited when I need to.

I cry when I need to.

However, I don't feel real anymore like there's no real feelings in me. It's really creeping me out. Where did I go? The real me. Did it gone away with the wind that blew strongly on me?

What had happened to me?

If only I could turn back time, I wouldn't make this choice again.

If only I could told my old self that I'm digging a grave for myself to jump in.

If only I could be strong enough to fight back and defend myself, I guess, all would be different by now.

If only God walks along me, accompanying through this season, I wish, happiness remains at my side.

If only, I was wiser at that time...

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